The following post is from Kris of Weird, Unsocialized Homeschoolers:
Over that last eleven years of homeschooling, I have had several opportunities to share my thoughts on what I would do differently if I could have a homeschool do-over. I think those types of articles are great and are meant as encouragement for new homeschool moms. In my early years as a homeschool mom, I would have loved to have had the insight of a veteran homeschooling mom.
There is a problem with those sort of posts, though. They don’t take into account the wisdom gained through doing things the way you did them in the first place. Perhaps more importantly, they often don’t take into account the seasons of a homeschooling mom’s life. So, while I think it’s great to share the things I would do differently, I also think I may have to start including some caveats.
So, for you homeschooling newbies, I want to say:
It’s okay to do school-at-home or use a boxed curriculum.
When we started homeschooling, I used a prepackaged unit study curriculum. In the interim years, I’ve run the gamut from writing my own unit studies to eclectic schooling to an all-in-one curriculum. The fact is, as much as I love the idea of a Charlotte Mason style homeschool, I think I’d have gone crazy that first year without the safety net of a prepackaged curriculum giving me some guidance.
It’s okay to have a highly structured homeschool while you find your way as a homeschooling parent.
It’s okay to have a highly structured homeschool throughout your entire homeschool years, if that works for your family.
It’s okay to unschool, to have a CM homeschool, to follow TJEd, to be eclectic, or whatever else. My homeschooling style doesn’t have to be your homeschooling style. Don’t let the things I wish I’d done differently make you feel bad about what you’re doing now if it’s working for your family. Each family is different.
I’ve been guilty of having a bit of a prideful attitude with new homeschool moms when saying, “If I could go back and do it again…” in a tone that suggests I know something that they don’t and by the time they figure it out, it will be too late.
The fact is, I think there are things I’d do differently, but if I were once again new, unsure, overwhelmed and trying to figure it all out, I might just do things exactly the same way I did them all those years ago.
It’s okay to not have a beautiful, color-coded schedule.
I know that’s okay because even now I don’t have a beautiful, color-coded schedule. We’re definitely routine people, rather than schedule people.
That being said, a while back I shared a post somewhere on the web about having a successful homeschool day and how that started with getting up before the kids, having my workout, and having a routine. There is nothing untrue about that post. The only thing is, those things are possible in large part thanks to my current season of life.
My kids are all middle school and high school age. They’re night owls who sometimes go to bed later than I do, which is okay because I’m not having to give someone yet another glass of water, read bedtime stories, or make sure no one goes into the bathroom and plays in the toilet.
I’ve been babysitting my infant niece once a week. I love her and I’m happy to have her over, but it’s hard to get stuff done when she’s over. We manage to get school done, but it’s not the simple, straightforward affair it is the rest of the week. It makes me wonder how my sister accomplishes all she does. It makes me look with new admiration on moms who homeschool all the time with infants and toddlers.
When you’re swimming in chaos, sometimes the best you can do is get through the day. Getting most of the lesson plan boxes checked off, getting everyone fed, and keeping the preschooler from flushing the goldfish down the toilet is accomplishment enough. If I were in the trenches of those days, I doubt I would crawl out of bed for a workout or anything else until there was a child sitting on my stomach prying my eyelids apart with his little fingers.
It’s a season. If you’ve got littles, seasons with more predictable days and more independent kids are on the way. Don’t stress over all the things that are going undone in the season you’re in. You’re doing an amazing job, Mom!
It’s okay to long for bedtime.
“The days are long, but the years are short” is so very true. The idea of savoring those long, hard days is a noble sentiment that sounds great on a Hallmark card, but the fact is, those days can truly be hard. Viewing your child’s meltdowns as an opportunity to build character is equally noble-sounding – and often just as hard.
Yes, you should savor the moments because the years really do fly by. Yes, sometimes you need to take time to use those meltdowns to build character. But, Mom, you are not a failure if some days you find yourself hiding in the bathroom eating chocolate while you mentally calculate how many hours are left until bedtime because sometimes this homeschooling gig – this motherhood gig – is h-a-r-d.
So, when you hear one of us old-timers talking about what we’d do differently if we were in your shoes, take it with a grain of salt. Sift through to find the wisdom to be had there – then practice your best mad scientist laugh as you imagine us trying to get a workout done with a toddler clinging to our leg and the infant crying to be held while the preschooler looks menacingly at the goldfish.
What homeschooling season are you currently in? Is it one of the easier ones from which you could encourage a young mom or are you a mom needing some encouragement – and five minutes to go to the bathroom alone?
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Kris, who blogs at Weird, Unsocialized Homeschoolers, is a homeschooling mom to three amazing kids and wife to her unbelievably supportive husband. She enjoys photography, running, and drinking sweet tea. You can connect with Kris on her blog, Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and Pinterest. |
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Thank you for this post. I am going to begin homeschooling my now kindergartener in the fall. I have a 4 year old and a 9 month old at home and am terrified at the thought. My season is one of a dirty home, chaos, noise, disorganization, lack of routine. It goes against my nature and I needed the reminder that this is how things are right now in my life. And that’s all okay.
I’m so glad I could encourage you. I remember those days. I started with a 7 year old, a 2 year old, and a 1 year old. A noisy, messy house was absolutely the norm. There may or may not have been a relative who suggested that if I put my oldest in school I’d have more time to clean house. Um, yeah, that’s my priority. 🙂
Year 1 with a toddler in the house, and I thank you for this article! I literally shake with fear when I hear the toilet flush and my little one is not accounted for. So nice to be reminded that what we change later shouldn’t be viewed as a mistake, but an opportunity to gain wisdom! This was so, so good to hear.
It probably shouldn’t have, but your comment about shaking with fear when you hear the toilet flush and the little one isn’t accounted for made me laugh. 🙂 It gets easier.
I am year 2 into homeschooling but find this so reassuring. The past 2 years have been all preschool so teaching through play opportunities. I am nervous of this coming year of having to keep records for my K/1st grader and having 2 preschoolers and a newborn. My season is crazy right now but I know God called me to do this.
Thank you from a semi newbie. It revitalizes me knowing this season will pass into another with its own set of challenges and rewards.
You are very welcome, Katie!
I so needed this today! I especially needed the part about it being okay to mark off even a few boxes off of our lesson plan. I recently started homeschooling and figuring out how to be mom and be teacher has been both exciting and frustrating. So I am definitely in the season of needing encouragement! Thank you Kris!
You’re welcome!
Some days I am sure my kids will be doomed to living in my basement their whole lives because I can barely get them fed that day let alone execute a comprehensive lesson plan. This is our first year and my oldest is in K. The 4 year old is an eager learner. The 2 year old is going to give me gray hair before 40. I sure hope this gets easier! Thank you for the encouragement.
It does. 🙂
Your comment at the end struck me. I have been doing this for 8 years, and I love homeschooling. My littlest is 5. I feel a call to help encourage others. But I am not sure how. I feel a call to something beyond our home now, but am finding it difficult to see how that should happen, and what form it should take. Maybe a blog? Any ideas on how to discern what come next? I keep feeling a tug toward blogging, but a great resistance too. And I’m not even sure where to start!
I would suggest praying for discernment and direction. There are lots of ways to encourage homeschool moms – mentor relationships, a monthly mom’s night out, a Q&A for new homeschool parents. Best wishes figuring out which is the right role for you in this season of life!
Thank you so much for this post! We’re nearly done with my son’s first full year of homeschooling, which was 1st grade. I also have a three-year-old, plus I’m due in September. This year was a pretty good introduction to homeschooling, especially since I know myself and therefore ordered a boxed curriculum that told me what to do each day. My son loved it and I’m going to use it again next year, which I’m hoping will help with the chaos of getting my daughter to preschool three days a week and adjusting to a new baby!
I’m not pulling out my hair yet, but it’s still nice to know there will come a day when my kids will be a little more self-sufficient and I might actually be able to get a workout in or be able to have a few minutes to myself, without having to lock myself in the bathroom!
I’ll never forget, about 10 or so years ago, talking to a homeschool mom friend on the phone. Mid-way through our conversation, she confessed be being in the bathroom linen closet with the bathroom door locked. It still makes me giggle.
Oh my goodness…as the Mother of a child(number four) whose toddler specialty was dubbed “toilet soup” by his three older siblings I can totally relate to this Mommy! As a not-so-new homeschooler (7 yrs. now) I still needed that word about doing our best and not worrying about checking off every box! I am still flying by the seat of my pants so to speak…and our children are happy, well-adjusted and very intelligent!
Carry on Ladies, the good Lord will see us through!
Love and gratitude,
Marybeth
I literally laughed out loud while reading this post. We’re just starting out on our homeschooling adventure as a family with a 4 and 1 year old, and my husband replaced our downstairs toilet bowl just yesterday 🙂 (apparently flushing an entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet bowl makes a bigger mess than my son anticipated…). I’m slowly learning to embrace the season we’re in, and your post definitely reassured that. Thanks for writing!
Oh, my. That’s funny – you know, in a “not funny right now, but it will be in 10 or 20 years when you’re talking about it around the Thanksgiving dinner table” kind of of way. 🙂
Thank you for this. 🙂
Ive been on the fence(scared)about homeschooling since my now 3rd grader was in preschool. I now have him+a 1st grader+a preschooler+an infant. But im coming closer to just pulling them out of school and starting a homeschool life. (still scared) Thanks for the encouragement
Yes i was thinking of starting the processof homeschooling but i have lack of support. I know my 5 year old needs it but i dont know if i can provide all that he needs. He was in special ed and has a sensory processing disorder. So it is more complicated to me.
This is my first week homeschooling. I have an 8 month old, 4 year old, and 8 year old. Our current circumstance also requires me to work in the afternoon 5 days a week. AND the first day that everything is going down without a hitch, my 4 year old slips and gashes his chin and history time was spent at urgent care. Needless to say I read this post and cried. Thank you so much. I needed to hear this.