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Today, I’m asking you, the wonderful readers of The Homeschool Classroom, a question that has really vexed me for a while now:
What do you do when homeschooling doesn’t look like you imagined it would look?
This isn’t to say that I need our schooling to look just like I imagined it would be when I was in those months of discernment and planing while my oldest children were still in public school. I just often find myself thinking that it feels like sometimes, we’re just going through the motions. The things that I wanted to really be important seem to take a backseat to the things that I think need to be done.
I’m not sure if it’s from having been in public school from kindergarten through 12th grade, if it’s my seven years of education courses in college (or those two degrees that came along with that), or maybe it’s just how I’m naturally bent. Any way around it, I find that no matter what I may have as ideals, I still push math as something that must be done every day and art as something that we manage to cover a couple of times in a semester. Identifying nouns and verbs take over time that could be sometimes used for reading poetry.
I had dreams of a beautiful and rich liberal arts education. Instead, I feel like we go through the motions of workbooks and assignment sheets.
I read books like Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning, A Thomas Jefferson Education Home Companion, A Charlotte Mason Education, and Real Learning: Education in the Heart of Home. I get excited. I highlight. I plan. I imagine how something could change our schooling.
Then, I fall back on the same approach we have used all along. I never even attempt to make the changes.
So, here this is — my very real post about homeschooling. And now, I need your help. Leave me comments. Give me advice. Inspire me to figure out how to make changes or to just embrace that I’m bent a certain way and that’s how it’s just going to be.
Thanks so much! I’ll be anxiously awaiting your responses!
Angie writes about faith, family, and household management at Many Little Blessings. She is also the founder of The Homeschool Classroom, Catholic Mothers Online, and Connections Network (a blogger networking forum). She shares her art at Just a Tiny Owl.
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I’ve heard that children pulled out of public schools need to “deschool” for a time, maybe you do too. Have you considered just putting all the workbooks and lesson plans aside and hanging out with your kids? Dedicate a month (or a week for each child) to just being together. Visit the library, surf the web together, go on a hike, bake. As pendulums tend to do…if you swing all the way, about as far from the sturcture you’re used to as possible, I bet you’ll find a comfortable spot in the middle.
Good luck!
Annie – I’ve heard that about public school kids too. I don’t think I can use that as a good excuse though, since it’s me who pushes the public school mentality, not them. Plus, we’ve already been homeschooling for three years now. 😉
Yes Angie, but Annie said YOU should deschool. I too am a product of a k-12 public school system (and a failure since I only made it to 10th grade before dropping out and taking an alternative route to a diploma). I was an honors student, straight A’s, in gifted classes the whole kit and kaboodle. I was very much the workbook, seperate desk seats and overhead projectors kinda of student -and I excelled at it. I have been homeschooling for 5 years and I still have to take myself out of the “schooling” mindset with my five kids. We’re actually taking a break all of June so I can take the opportunity to evaluate my kids and our learning structures.
I had envisioned a classroom with bulletin boards, single assigned desks (we even had special bought school chairs at one point to go with the desks I found at a thrift store), bookcases with reference guides and state standards, a chalk board and that ever wonderful overhead projector. But our lives don’t lean toward being able to afford a dedicated room for this so our school mixes with our regular lives. It’s something that has been hard for me but that I try to remember this is not MY school, it is theirs.
I think “deschooling” could probably be possible for kids (and not even all kids), but it’s not really something that I think is possible for me, nor something I really want. I once read that you should deschool for a month for every year they were in school. Between preschool, K – 12, and two college degrees, in that equation I would be deschooling until my kids were in college. 😉 (Okay, maybe not that long, but until one of mine was almost in high school.)
They just aren’t attributes of my character that I want to get rid of. But, then again, I never got so set in the school mentality that I wanted our actual home to look like a school. We’ve almost always just done our work at the kitchen table or on the couch, I have no trouble with us spending the whole day working in the garden, etc.
Then again, I have to admit that here I am answering this after I’ve had a lot of time to reflect, pray, have a long discussion with my kids, and then write up my own post in this series for Saturday. My mind feels a lot more clear at this moment than it did a week ago. 🙂
God gave your kids the mom they need, and that is you! There is so much information at our fingertips these days, it is almost impossible to ever feel like we’re doing it “right.” Guess what? I worry because I don’t use a lot of worksheets and I swear I’ll do more every year, and then we don’t. We’ve spent lots of time reading poetry and not much time diagramming sentences. Oh well!
I think sometimes we need to grow and break out of our comfort zones, and sometimes we’re just making more trouble for ourselves by never being content with how God created us to be. Sometimes, He yanks our well laid plans right out from under us and moves us in a different direction, but sometimes we do it to ourselves for no reason!
How to tell the difference? All we can do is pray and ask God to be in our choices and for His perfect peace as we go about teaching our kids.
I feel ya, and from one neurotic mom to another… relax! One of the greatest benefits of homeschooling is our freedom in so many areas. Enjoy it, and rest knowing that He made you their teacher for a reason… just plain old you! Your own natural style and all 🙂 (I’m going to try to listen to my own advice, too!)
Thanks, Angela. I definitely do need to pray on it some more. I don’t spend nearly enough time specifically praying about our homeschooling.
I know that given how my boys learn, I don’t necessarily think I’m doing the best methods for them. Of course, that does mean that they get to learn how to learn through non-preferred methods, but I don’t think they need to learn that all the time. LOL 😉 They are very hands on kids, and need some excitement to learn.
Angela,
My eldest son would have loved skipping the diagramming we did this past year. At first it was a fun, novel thing. But, after a while it was the dreaded subject for him. Maybe we should have read more poetry ;o)
Angie,
I call us eclectic homeschoolers and think it is what works best for us. I love lapbooking and notebooking as tools, but have to use them in spurts for my boys. Textbooks are great for some subjects as our workbooks, but other times I want to just use a ‘living book.’
The one thing I have done is to change things when something is totally not working for us. Analytical Grammar has been set aside for the eldest son. So what if he never learns to diagram an infinitive phrase? I’d rather spend the time working on his ability to communicate more effectively. And, we have to do some major focusing on math again.
I guess that we do core (3rs) every day, and then we do everything else as much as we can do. My goal is for Creative Writing, Art, music appreciation, science, board games (yes, a subject at our school)…etc. once a week. Workboxes have helped with this, because some have core subjects in them, but the other boxes, I get creative. The kids love to explore the boxes.
We tried workboxes for a time. It just didn’t feel like it worked for us. We did it for about six months. I found that I was still mostly doing the same things, just sticking them in boxes. LOL
Hi there,
New to homeschooling. Our twins are going to be 3 in a few weeks. Anyhow, what are Boxes the kids love to explore? Thanks a bunch.
They’re referring to the Workbox System: http://www.hsclassroom.net/category/workboxes/
I’m currently reading Suzie Andre’s new book “A Little Way of Homeschooling” and it’s just what the doctor ordered. I hear myself in your words and needed what this book is offering… namely, peace of mind and the confidence to move forward again. Let go of perfection and embrace the joy God wants to give to your family. And if you haven’t, read one of Suzie’s books. You may not ever be an unschooler by name, but some of the gentle reminders she gives are worth every penny and minute spent.
Melody – I was just thinking of ordering that book last night. I read through the reviews and thought it sounded good. Then, I read through what was available to read of the book through Amazon, and it didn’t grab me. Probably not fair to judge it on just a few pages, huh? Some of my wonderful online friends gave me an Amazon gift certificate, maybe I need to add that to my list to buy with the gift card.
Angie, I have (and LOVE) Susie’s first book “Homeschooling with Gentleness” if you would like to borrow it. I call it my homeschooling Bible!
Oh, my sweet sister! Thank you so much for pouring yourself out like this — letting us know you are real….but I know that it was hard to share, so thank you.
At 3am, my brain isn’t computing a whole bunch of advise (baby just woke up…meh), but I couldn’t read this post and just close the window. This homeschooling bit a hard, girl, HARD! Know you are not alone in your struggles to create the kind of homeschool you want.
I have to share with my my percieved Fail in homeschool. Until a month ago, I blogged at http://faulkner-family.blogspot.com and you’ll see how much I tried to provide a Waldorf education to my children. Ahem. Friend, I have full notebooks, FULL notebooks of the stories I would tell, the rhytym (how the heck do you spell that word? There is ALWAYS a red line under it!?!?!) of our week, all the earthy projects we would do, and the home would be a lovely quiet, tv-free space of tingly bells and …blah blah blahity blah.
Yeah, right. Four years I tried this gig. mm-hmm, that’s right, four years basically squandered because of my all my pie-in-the-sky planning and dreaming and money-spending on nice sketch books and esoteric texts and yadda yadda yadda. I was trying to create something that, however beautiful and tinkly it looked on other Waldorfy blogs, didn’t exist in my world.
We don’t have tv, but rhythm? Ha! Keeping the color and grain and scent of the day? Are you nuts? Norse myths in 4th grade? Why, for pete’s sake? I love so much of Steiner/Waldorf pedagogy, and all the lovely (albeit somewhat superficial) stuff that comes along with it -simple toys of natural matterials, wet-on-wet watercolor painting, weekly bread-baking, storytelling, beeswax modeling, songs as markers for transitions. I love the idea of block scheduling, where you teach one subject for a month and all other subjects fall into the shadows. Where you delay reading unti they are ready. Where you tell stories instead of read everything. Where you have Baking Day, Painting Day, Washing Day. Where all you work is in beautiful Main Lesson Books, and the books are unlined sketch pads (I never braved buying the expensive Main Lesson BOoks) and the writing and drawings were with beeswax crayons.
I have no less than 20 of those “beautiful” sketchbooks. In a closet 90% empty.
Not more than a handful of stories told. No Paiting Day. Washboard stands in the corner, dry as a bone.
Four years later, my oldest daughter’s “Waldorf education” was a big, fat FAIL. As a matter of fact, because I planned, but had no execution, no follow-through, my oldest’s main learning came from just reading books. I have Stockmar paint that is waiting to be used, watercolor paper aging, beeswax for modeling that is getting dusty.
Why do I say all this? Because I wanted my homeschool to look a certain way, and for all my planning and desires, it didn’t come to frutition. But here is where hte story is so sad to me – I was so bent on doing it the Waldorf way, to the exclusion of all else, NOTHING else was done.
Here I am today, slowly recovering from whatever delusion I was under. Charlotte Mason’s work called me from the beginning, and fits my oldest perfectly – remember how I said she read so much? I just stamped that calling out for the grooviness of Waldorf. I didn’t listen like I have. We don’t much of what I want to. We don’t do Artist Study or Composer Study. Our Nature Studies are incredibly hit and miss. There is very litle group singing in our home (ok, none) or poetry rectitation….but if you want the lineage of cats in the Warriors series, we have you covered!
I am a woman rambling over here — so sorry! I share all this to tell you that IT’S OK! Compare yourself to me and feel better, LOL!!!
For whatever you have done or haven’t done that you think shouldn’t have been done, or should have been done, take it to God. He knows our need, we only have to ask it. Clarity, peace, direction, the Rapture. (Just joking). But know this — you are absolutely NOT alone. And feel confident that however like School your homeschool feels to you, and however far that is from your vision, the FACT that you are WITH your children trumps everything. The fact that you are there to answer questions, offer help, go through the motions as you say.
You. Are. There.
Traditional School At Home, or something totally oppposite, whatever you do, you are with your children and THAT my dear woman is critially important.
So take a lesson from Ole Sal here. Planning and dreaming are great. This method and that method are dandy. Follow-through are really key, but more important is that you are where you are, doing SOMETHING, and doing it WITH your children.
Dear one, I am praying with you for whatever it is you need to bring you around this bend.
(and i am hoping that this post is at least marginally comprehensible!)
WOW!! That was beautifully said! This is such great advice: “Planning and dreaming are great. This method and that method are dandy. Follow-through are really key, but more important is that you are where you are, doing SOMETHING, and doing it WITH your children.” Every homeschooler needs to hear those words of wisdom!
This was really amazing, Sally. Thank you so much for taking the time to really nurture and speak to my heart. ((((HUGS)))
I will definitely keep what you have written in my heart.
I know this may sound crazy, and it’s totally up to you (of course), but I would love to repost your comment as an actual blog post here at The Homeschool Classroom. Again – totally up to you. But, I think it’s something that other people (who might not read through the comments here today) could use reading too.
You know it, girl! If my monkeybusiness can help someone else, go for it!!
I appreciate this much. I haven’t the courage to open up with my “supporters” of first year 4th grade homeschooling. After seeing the SBA testing scores my heart sank. She went from barely “proficient” to actually scoring 0% in one area of Language Arts Writing. :'( While I know her behavior has been de-schooled, and she doesn’t seem to balk at education as much as she did, and actually enjoys reading or audio books, and has more confidence in math… I feel she can do much better if only I would. Yet I surprise myself with good plans and ideas, but alas, follow through is lacking. I feel lost in the sea of curriculum and philosophies more than ever. Thank-you all for your honesty and encouragement. Maybe I should start up a blog of my own!
I don’t regret homeschooling 4th grade, and we’re both committed to this home journey. However responsible I feel for failing to meet academic standards she thinks it’s helping. Time with her, and the change from who she was becoming to who she is now is rewarding and I hope it buys a little bit of time for me to get it right. The endless possibilities and flexibility is impossibly hard not to live up to.
The only advice I am qualified at this point for us both is one day at a time.
To be honest it is nice to see this post. 🙂 I am starting this summer planning for our first home school year. He will be in kindergarten and quite frankly I have been overwhelmed and plan so many things. I love to hear the real side of homeschoolers that maybe it doesn’t go like you had first envisioned but it is still working! I love Sally’s comment on how they tried something and it wasn’t the right fit. (You had me cracking up LOL) I think you are doing a great job and it is hard to deschool once you have that background. My parents are both teachers and have expectations of what we should do. I have gone through K-12 and some college myself and I have an idea of what we should be doing. But I also look at my son and he is not a child that you can shove facts at. He learns best by having discussions with you and asking questions and hands on learning. I am excited but also nervous about this year. I will be praying for you and ask you to do the same. 🙂 You are doing a wonderful job. Just like you work to help your children learn in their style, maybe this is your style. 🙂 Keep your head up and know that the most important thing is being there with your children. 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing!!
Best of luck in this first year, Jennifer! I’m glad you appreciated what I said, instead of it scaring you off. 😉
I’m not actually homeschooling anymore. I homeschooled for 14 years–my kids are now grown, finished with college and on their own. I learned a few things along the way:
Sometimes…you just do it and trust. When you’re in the middle of it, you can’t really see what you are accomplishing. It’s easy to feel lost and alone. When you have worked the same math problem for the umpteenth time and they just don’t seem to be “getting it”, and you can’t really move on because they haven’t mastered a skill they need to move up, you can feel like quitting. Just keep on keeping on. Be faithful. That isn’t to say that you won’t have to back up sometimes and approach something from a different direction, or back up and find where a gap is–but continue to be faithful.
Remember that this is your child’s school. It is his/her education that you are building block by block. If one of your dreams is that they will realize that education lasts a lifetime and that its a very good thing, you will want to be sensitive to where their interests are and don’t be afraid to go there. For instance, if you realize that your 7th grader dreams about biology and dissecting stuff but that’s a high school subject and you are afraid to go there yet….do it. Just do it. The worst that happens is that they will have to do it again in high school because some of the concepts were still over their head. The best thing that happens is that they get fired up and awaken a life-long passion for science.
Additionally, don’t be afraid to change your dreams to fit your child. You may well have a dream for a lovely liberal arts education, but find that your child (while they learn the stuff you’re teaching) just isn’t bent that way. You may have a child who’s heart beats faster and eyes light up when reading about neurons, or who’s idea of “art” is building a robot or dissecting owl poop. You may find that your progeny gets excited over how to manipulate logarithms. Be ready to help them find the art in those things.
It’s okay to do worksheets. Everyone does have to learn that sometimes you have to work past the hard stuff to get to the fun stuff. Life is like that. Everyone has to learn that in anything we do that is worthwhile, there is work. Just don’t get bogged down in thinking that just because a math problem is there–they HAVE to work it. If there are 50 math problems there…and you realize after they have worked 5 of them that they “got it” and understand it totally, don’t think that they have to work the other 45 problems. Or if the text book recommends that they work 30 problems and it takes them a hour and a half to work 3–you can adjust the assignment. The work sheet is a tool that you can use as you see fit.
What a wonderful, encouraging comment! Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experiences.
If you would be comfortable about this, I would love to post your comment one day soon as an actual post here at The Homeschool Classroom. i think it would be a great encouragement to many people!
*blush* please, if something that I said can encourage someone, please use it.
N.K Dover: Much wisdom in this post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
The secret for our family is to listen to your children. Watch what they do. What are they interested in. It’s not about us. When I let go things got better. Another thing that helped was knowing that you really don’t have to follow any proscribed curriculum, material, model or what not to get into college. In fact the farther off the beaten path one goes the more attractive you become to them. A great book on this subject is college without high school by Blake Boles. Now don’t worry if your children aren’t even high school age yet. That’s where our anxieties start–we are afraid we are doing it wrong and our kids will never get into college. Well, it’s a myth as you will see. One that we hold so near and dear. But once you know the truth (see homeschool admissions Stanford University) it will set you free. Then you can let your children lead and you be their guide.
Darleen – Thanks so much! I know I need to follow what the kids would like to do more. I think there are three versions of homeschooling here at our house: what I dream of, what the kids dream of, and what is actually happening. I don’t think any of them look very similar.
Angie..that’s ok! There is no one who knows what your homeschool should look like. For us, BJU curriculum worked great. When my kids hit the age where they needed stuff that I did not know–homesat was great for us. This isn’t the best answer for everyone! I read where you talked about praying about it–in my opinion, that is the most important thing that you can do for your children and their education. If you are striving to serve God with your life and your children are your mission field–I know that I know that God will honor this and He will make up where you have messed up (and..well..all of us mess up sometimes).
I think professional teachers have the hardest time. I would dare yourself to a certain time (a month) to Not use workbooks. Pick one subject you just can’t let go of and do that to satisfy the teacher in you. Then pick a country and do a unit study- but think active. We chose China. We practiced chinese letters, ordered paper lanterns from Oriental Trading, rented a movie about modern China, read about the Great Wall, made a timeline in the fashion of the Great wall, learned a little about the dynasties, some Chinese literature, the influence of Western culture, etc. At the end we had a Chineses meal.
For ancient Greece: paint a clay pot call it an urn, pour plaster of paris in an old pie plate, break up some ceramic tiles and make a mosaic, use pipe cleaners and buttons make jewelry, each kid make a chiton out of sheets, have a “Greek” market day, use a shoe box and make a model of a temple, have Greek god/goddess of the week, Greek myth of the week, etc. Get a roll of butcher paper and have the kids depict the gods and goddesses on Mount Olympus. Eat humus.
Study Abraham. Make a zigarut. Pack up a bed roll. Draw pictures of his camels. Map out his travels. Pitch a tent. Study the desert. Make “locust biscuits”
Do birds. draw them, watch them. listen to their calls. build bird houses. go to see rescued birds or go to a “bird count.” Bird call identifiers are great.
We’re planning on studying ancient history next year, which I know that my oldest, in particular, is excited about. Because I know he’s so excited about it, I’m going to try as hard as I can to make it some very hands on learning, because that’s what he loves.
Oh, and they do love birds. I need to do more with that. They love animals too. Crazy, crazy, crazy about animals. Well, at least learning about them. They almost all don’t actual like animals in person. It’s very odd. LOL
I know exactly what you mean! I always have grand plans of what fun learning looks like and then it ends up looking like traditional school. But I feel I have an excuse for myself. I was expecting a new baby (born May 13th) and was pushing to “get it done” by May 6th. We sacrificed Spring Break and worked on FRIDAYS! I hate school work on Fridays. It’s like a sin to me. Like I said, I pushed to have it done by MY schedule. By March I was burned out and was just going through the motions. “NO MORE”, I say. I was homeschooled myself and I know that the traditional approach is no fun and squashes the love of learning. When we start back again in July/August/September (haven’t decided) we are going to do a six week on and one week of schedule with NO FRIDAYS and take breaks when we need it. Leaning toward year round schooling. I think under that schedule I can relax, breath and really take the time to do the fun stuff.
Maybe if we went with more of a year round approach (but not totally), then it would make me feel more relaxed. As we get closer to the end of the school year, I get grumpy because I feel like I am pushing hard for us to be done for a while. That’s probably a sign that things aren’t really going like they should, huh?
So embrace the supposed to do side of your personality and put art and poetry on your To Do List. Deliberately plan a day for reading all day. This was my girls’ idea; they spent an entire day reading or doing reading blaster from jumpstart. I have workbooks for math; doesn’t feel right not to! 😀 Everything we wing it. Try a day of that every 2 weeks, see how it goes. Experiment and find something that works for “The things that I wanted to really be important seem to take a backseat to the things that I think need to be done.” God made you like this for a reason [something my husband tells me 3 times a month!] and He doesn’t want you to be totally different or He would have made you totally different. He wants you like this, but will to be molded by His hand.
I actually tried to do one day of it every two weeks, and then I let that slide too. What the heck? I will need to revisit this idea.
Maybe it’s your dream that’s the problem. Dreams are good, but sometimes they can trip us up and keep us down. I know, because I’ve been there.
After my first year of homeschooling, like you, I was deeply discouraged that we weren’t fulfilling my dream of what homeschooling should look like – so discouraged that I put them back in public school. I quickly realized that wasn’t going to work. So I sat down and had a long, hard look at the dream of homeschooling. I realized I needed to begin with the end in mind: in imagining my children grown, what was it I TRULY wanted them to be able to do, that I could give them REALISTICALLY.
1. I wanted them to be comfortable with math and math concepts.
2. I wanted them to be able to read and to (hopefully) enjoy reading (If they learn to read, then the world of knowledge opens up for them.)
3. I wanted them to have the skills necessary to find things out for themselves.
4. I wanted them to have the life skills (balance a check book, read a map, etc.) that they’d need to negotiate life.
Then I gave myself permission to let the rest go. Their life is not going to be ruined if I cannot/will not provide them with every possible learning experience. My job is to teach them how to learn; they have the rest of their life to experience many, many things, (including hands-on art.)
So right now we focus on living books, life skills, and math, and plenty of time for them to pursue their own interests.
“Their life is not going to be ruined if I cannot/will not provide them with every possible learning experience. My job is to teach them how to learn; they have the rest of their life to experience many, many things, (including hands-on art.)” Well said. I think sometimes we forget that K-12 is just the beginning of the journey. We lay the foundation, but their learning doesn’t stop with us. It’s a lifelong process!
Sarah, exactly!
Really great! I love this way of thinking of it. I’m glad that you brought your kids back home!
I would love to post your comment as a post here sometime soon. Would that be okay with you? I think it would help a lot of people.
Okay by me. 🙂
Follow your heart and adapt where you can to find the “right fit” for your family. Even what works for one child may not work for siblings later on. You will find the place of greatest peace and productivity when you watch and pray.
For us, I started with a literature-based education. We read together and I read aloud, a lot. We wrote, illustrated, researched whatever sparkled in that reading. Don’t worry about workbooks and worksheets. Just read and narrate and enjoy learning together and you’ll be amazed.
That sounds like a really lovely approach, Nadene. My kids are definitely very different from one another. I think that’s where one of my downfalls is too – I think I may try to cater to one of the three of them (and his needs) more than the others.
Oh, I have one more thing: marriage isn’t what I dreamed it would be. My kids are not what I dreamed they would be. I am not who I dreamed I would be.
There is a pattern here.
“nuff said!” 😀
Amen to all of that!
If someone would have told me about what my life would look like at 34 when I was 18, I would have thought they were insane. 😉
You’ve gotten some great suggestions, and after you read through them all, maybe you need to then ask yourself what is wrong with workbooks? Are they not working in your family? Or are they just not what you had pictured when you created your “homeschooling dream”?
The great thing about homeschooling is that we can individualize our programs for our kids, and sometimes that means we choose one workbook over another.
I tried a non-workbook program. I tried more poetry and less diagramming. I developed a program that was just what I would have loved when I was in school. And you know what, my boys didn’t like it one bit. They are very logical, very this-is-this and that- is-that kids, and they LOVE the structure and predictability of workbooks. They love to sit down, do the work, and be finished. They don’t love creative learning attempts, even if I do.
It took me a while, but I finally admitted that when it comes right down to it, even with workbooks, my boys are learning in our homeschool. And they aren’t just learning academically from their workbooks, but they are also learning social skills and domestic skills and family skills from working and learning together as a family. They are getting a quality education!
So, no matter what your homeschool looks like, if it works for you, it is right. We are not all meant to look or learn the same, and workbooks are not a symbol of a failed or uncreative homeschool. They may very-well be a sign of a mom who has learned that sometimes you just have to embrace what works for you and your family.
Jennifer – awesome points! This will definitely give me some things to think about this summer while I’m planning for next school year. I would love to be able to post your comments as a post here at HSC. I think other people need to see it too. 🙂 Let me know.
I am a homeschooler at the end of my journey. I have graduated one and the other is a junior in high school.
Let me just say this. The most important thing about homeschooling is keeping them home. My oldest struggled with everything. She hated reading/writing. We had regular math melt-downs. School was a struggle. I know if I had sent her to school, she would have felt dumb. But the one thing she didn’t lose is her desire to do well. Her sister (three years younger) was catching up with her. But, she continued to plug along. When she got to high school age, things started to click.
During the struggling years, peer pressure was one thing she DIDN’T have to deal with. What a blessing. She has become a beautiful confident young woman who knows who she is. She wasn’t torn down verbally in the vulnerable years. We encouraged her to be the best she can be.
I am happy to report that she is not only confident and personable, she is also carrying a 4.0. This is nothing that I did. I honestly did not have such high hopes for her. I attribute it to staying home no matter what your school looks like.
Sandy – This is so great to hear! My oldest really struggles, and his brother (two years younger) has really caught up to him in a lot of things. He’s dealt with that pretty well though, I think. I’ve been seeing some real improvements in my oldest lately, so I’m hoping that means he’s just going to start hitting his stride.
What great inspiration. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed too! This fall I will homeschooling our son (prek) an daughter (kindergaten). We are definitely starting out eclectic until we find what works. My daughteers a workbook junkie while my son is hands on. I also wanna do field trip outings every Friday. One thing i’ve found is that the homeschooling community is awesome and supportive. Without homeschool blogs and websites, facebook and twitter Id be so lost!
I think it’s great to stay really eclectic for right now. It will help you see what works well for them and what doesn’t. When they’re so young, there’s a lot of great time for experimentation.
Hugs, Angie. My homeschool doesn’t look just like I want it to either. We’ve not done nature study or composer study in over 6 months. For a CM educator, that’s a pretty big omission.
Do you REALLY want your HS to look like this ideal vision you have? I mean, maybe there’s an idealistic view we WANT but that we’re not willing/able to work that hard to get. If so, then change your expectations. It seems that our behavior will demonstrate what is REALLY important to us. I SAY that nature is important, and it is. But when it comes to brass tacks, it’s one of the first things to go out the window. Why? Maybe I WANT to value it more than I really do. Or maybe math and reading just take up so much time, and I’m not willing to keep on doing school for another hour. The idea here is to really look at the disconnect between desire and reality and see what causes it. Are your ideals in need of revisiting? Or is it your practice? Maybe it’s okay to use worksheets. 🙂 No one can tell you that. You’ve got to KNOW that in your heart of hearts.
Assuming you really want to achieve that ideal image, here are some practical tips/ideas:
1. Box up the workbooks & put a note on the printer not to print worksheets. Tell your kids you’re taking a break from worksheets to keep you accountable.
2. Make a detailed schedule to include the things you want to include. I think the key here is the detail. Again, tell your kids (or hubby) so that you’ll be held accountable to the plan.
3. Make small steps rather than a total overhaul. (But from what I infer about your personality, possibly an all or nothing, cold turkey approach works better?) Most people prefer making small changes, adding on new successes each week/month/term.
4. Seek accountability in some form — a friend, the blog, etc. Shoot, this could be a blog series! I certainly could use some accountability in some areas where I’m slacking.
I suspect that you’ve hit the nail on the head of the real problem, Jimmie. (How did you get to be so smart anyway?) I think a lot of it comes down to that idea of am I willing to put in the extra work that is needed to make some of these things happen. It would appear that the answer is no. Maybe I need to really think on that some. If these were my ideals and I can’t be bothered to do them, then that should speak volumes to me.
Would you feel comfortable with me publishing parts of your comment as a post? I think I would like to put together a week of thoughts on this topic, as it sounds like a lot of people run into some of the same issues.
Thanks for being able to look at the big picture. You’re so good at that!
You have stated (and quite eloquently, I might add) exactly what I have been thinking the past three years….our homeschooling does not match up at all with the (admittedly romantic) visions I had of days spent exploring and creating and reveling in the pure joy of learning.
I told you it was romantic. 😀
So my idea is this…to use this summer as an opportunity to try out all those romantic ideas and see if they fly. If they do, I’m hoping perhaps we’ll be so ensconced in this new way of learning that by the time we start the new school year in the fall that it will be more like *adding on* the textbooks and workbooks to our school day, rather than the other way around.
If this works, I’ll let you know. 🙂
You’re right — they’re very romantic views instead of practical ones. I hope that this summer helps you to get some things sorted out!
Another idea is to talk to your kids and find out what they like. Maybe they like worksheets for certain subjects, reading about other topics and hands on for somethings. See what kind of insight they give you and try some of the things they suggest. What works for you one year might not work as well another year as the kids change. Another thing is if there is a subject they struggle with more than others it might work better to do it first thing, while they are still fresh and can focus on it. I was homeschooled and that was the way it worked for me in math in high school. If I did my math lesson first it took me 30-45 minutes, if I waited til the end of the morning or after lunch it took me 1.5-3 hours.
And who wants to spend that much time everyday just trying to do one thing for school?
I have chatted with them every so often about what they like/what they don’t. Maybe this summer is a good time to revisit it again with them. 🙂
I’m bookmarking this to come back and read the comments. I feel like this happens to us as well. I especially feel stressed about this coming year, because I have to start keeping records. We need 1,000 hours of school and I calculated that to 5 hours a day. When will there be time for the fun stuff?
Wow! 1,000 hours? I feel overwhelmed just thinking about it like that.
Hi Jenny, You are not in my state, so please don’t take my advice too seriously without checking into it , BUT THe fun stuff DOES count as school. I’m in PA and we have to count days not hours. But field trips count, nature walks, fishing (science), many television shows (think Myth Busters), Educational computer games, pogo sticking (phys ed), cooking, taking care of pets,etc. I’ve even read that classroom management can count for the state(s) that need to keep track of hours. Schools take time to organize desks, folders, clean up, etc. You can too.
I highly recommend visiting an unschooling website or forum that discusses unschooling in your state. You will see from these homeschoolers the freedom you really have. However, please also think about what you want for your kids – it is so easy to subscribe to one homeschool philosophy or another and get lost. I only recommend reading unschooling articles and such because you then hopefully will be able to free your mind to do things your way.
I’m not against unschooling at all. But I very much believe that you need to figure what you want for your kids and not follow any particular philosophy. Follow your parenting instincts.
I feel the same way. I am in my 13th year of homeschooling, last son is now 15. My two oldest kids, went to public school, my 3 youngest, homeschooled. But I always want to do more than math and science, but we too get in the grind of grinding out the work. This year we did K12 for biology and English (sophmore high school year). I did the rest, so it was more spontaneous. My son does not like math, so we spend time daily on that. But I just decided to take a break from saxon and do the Khqn academy. I do feel a nag in my head, like I should make him do those problems in saxon, but I am resisting, and letting him watch the khan videos and try this method. It helps if you do school year round, there is more time. With english and bio done, we will do history and spanish in the summer. and more math. We did do one fun class on Flash, that was great. at k12.
If you WANT to change it then I suggest you look into deschooliong for yourself 🙂
We’re so accustomed to the practices and routines enforced on us as children that we too now carry these beliefs subconciously and apply them to our own life and children.
Let go, breathe, free up your mind and it’s plans, beliefs and thinkings. Learn to go with the flow, let life lead you. We all learn, all the time, from everything around us. Chldren are no different. They will learn more by being left to learn, listened to, answered and provided with what they personally need to learn from (art supplies, books, encyclopedias, iinet, library etc)
Here’s some links I found interesting while I was looking at unschooling/freeschooling/natural learning methods.
Good luck to you and your family in making your decision 🙂
xxoo
http://anunschoolinglife.com/letting-go-deschooling-for-parents/
http://anunschoolinglife.com/deschooling-for-parents/
http://anunschoolinglife.com/deschooling-for-parents-2/
http://free-schooling.blogspot.com/2011/02/deschooling-breaking-free-reconnecting.html
Angie,
I can also totally relate to your questioning and wondering about homeschool, and your striving to make it the ideal situations we all read about in blogs, books, etc. This is my first year of homeschooling and it has been a roller coaster. We are focusing mainly on reading because at the end of first grade last year, she refused to read at all. But we still do some math, writing, lapbooks, etc. However, I often question myself — am I doing enough for her? Am I giving her the right opportunities? Is she missing things she would have learned if she was in the parochial school (where she went last year)? On those days when she’s having temper tantrums, am I doing a dis-service to her by skipping math (a subject that will only increase the intensity of the temper tantrum)?
I love all the advice and suggestions your other readers have posted, and the bits of wisdom. I’ll be mulling over them and applying some of them.
Maybe the end of the year is a good time not only to look at what we, as homeschooling parents, will do better next year, but also what we did good this year! What are some things that you know your kids have learned well, or that they really enjoyed?
In my case, I learned that my daughter liked to read prayers, so I used prayers as a way to encourage reading. I started creating “prayer rings” which we would read together (she would read one line, I would read the next). (You can see an example of my prayer ring at http://diary-of-a-sower.blogspot.com/2011/02/litany-of-our-lady-of-lourdes-prayer.html) As a result, she knows far more Catholic prayers than my 11 year old son (who goes to a good parochial school that says prayers 3x/day)!
When we go to Mass and sit behind the older ladies at church, after Mass they often turn around and say to me that they are amazed at all the prayers my daughter knows! It’s a small accomplishment, but it does feel good knowing that I’ve helped her develop her love of all the beautiful Catholic litanies and other prayers.
Blessings to you,
Cheryl
My husband and I, too, were products of public school and we were both very good at it too. So were our oldest two children . I thought all homeschoolers were diillusioned, weird people. Then I had my last child and was thinking seriously about going back to school and completing my degree in early childhood education. My youngest started school and I had time. Then, my fathers illness prevented me from going. Finally when my son was in 3rd grade, I thought I could go. Well,over Christmas vacation, he started begging me to homeschool him. At the time, we didn’t know any homeschoolers. Where did he get that idea? We never did find out. He struggled to finish his 3rd grade year and my husband thought maybe we should try homeschooling for 4th grade.
Well, over that first year, we saw such a big change in our son’s behavior and his confidence, that there was no way we could go back. He said that in school, he never had time to “think” about something before they were putting books away to move on to the next subject. It took me awhile to realize that he really retains more knowledge if he takes his time to really think about things.
He just turned 16 and has never wanted to return to school.
We started off with “school-in-a-box”, relaxed some and went with workbooks and thru the years, found our way to unschooling. Our son discovered his musical talent and can play almost any instrument he picks up. We have no clue where that talent comes from! I can play the radio!
The way we school gives him lots of time for his music and lessons. Right now, he’s taking banjo and piano. He thinks he wants to play professionally and he’s already experienced recording in a studio.
If he were in a public school, I wonder how much time he’d have to devote to music. he’s also taught himself lego animation and has posted a few shorts to you-tube. He and his friend have built a “clubhouse” we dubbed “The Batchelor Pad” and now he’s started asking about the prices and values of insulation! They have rebuilt an car with the friends father and are now building an engine for a go-kart.
So to wrap it up, school just wasn’t an option, “school -at-home didn’t work, workbooks only kept his attention for a short while, but unschooling has been the best education for us both!
Wow! Great comments and advice. Have to admit I’ll have to come back a 2nd and maybe 3rd time to read them all. Right now I’m a little bit tired.
I just wanted to say that this is exactly where I am right now too. I feel like we are so off track of what I would do if I wasn’t trying to do what I was “supposed” to do. It sounds like you don’t have any in High school yet. Just wait – then the pressure really starts. My DD just completed her first year of high school and everything she did was so far from the mark of who she is. She is a domestic diva if I ever saw one. She may go into event planning, or catering, or who knows what, but Biology? Geometry? I feel like I’ve wasted a year of her life that she could have used to much better advantage. I’m not against the traditional subjects, but each child is unique and that is one thing that is supposed to be so great about homeschooling – that they can have their education tailored to their needs. I believe very strongly that because we are in a strict state (PA) that just adds to my confusion.
Of course I wanted to give you advice and encouragement and instead I told you my troubles. LOL!
I always tell myself that there is nothing I can do to mess up my kids. A great evaluator once told me that. If you read some unschooling philosophy you’ll see that you truly CAN do things your way. Not to say that you need follow an unschooling lifestyle but it is so freeing to know that the educational system that we are so accustomed to is NOT the end all and be all. YOU KNOW YOUR KIDS! It is so sad that we homeschoolers so often forget this one simple thing. We have the wisdom, let’s trust it. OH! Another thing I just remembered – not that it really helps but it is interesting. Mennonites in my state only go to school until they are 15 years old, may be old order, but just such a great inspiration to me to do what I know is right and not worry about what OTHERS are doing. There are so many ways others do it. Just interesting how many different ways school is done.
I’m writing this for those just starting out on their homeschool journey.My youngest started begging to be homeschooled in 3rd grade. So we made him finish that year and started OUR education at the beginnig of 4th. He would be a senior this year, if we were still tied to the public school system.
First , we tried a “school-at-home” approach, even dedicating a room for that purpose and buying an old school desk. I quickly found out that his idea of homeschooling wasn’t the same as mine. The next year, my dad became very sick and I had to become his main care-giver. My mother was diagnosed with Parkinson’s that same year and between the two of them, we took lots of trips to the doctors and hospitals. So we tried Life-Packs. This worked for a while . A very little while, as he never even finished the first set! (Too much reading)
Slowly, so slowly, I came to realize that this was HIS eduction, not mine! We just stopped any kind of “formal” learning and he spent time with his grandfather, traveling to see family members that Grandpa wanted to see ,teaching himself and grandpa how to use the internet, setting up his grandparents a facebook account, learning about being a Marine in Korea, even learning how to help grandpa with his oxygen tanks. We will never regret or forget how much he was loved by his grandpa and the things he learned during those years. After Dad passed, we talked about getting back to “school” type things but we had evolved into unschooling without even knowing it. Now he takes banjo and guitar lessons, helps a neighbor on the weekends repairing cars and pressure washing. Other people comment to me about how down-to-earth he is and how smart he is. They are impressed that he isn’t “like the other kids his age”. If he tells them he’ll do a job for them, he finishes it and they don’t have to keep checking on him to see if he’s doing it. He’s very conscientious and reliable.
Eight years ago, I didn’t have a clue where we’d be today. This child had sensory issues that made him irritable. School was a constant struggle to try to fit in. He was slow at reading, lagging behind in science and math. He was being taken out of class for extra math help, missing music class. He knew that school wasn’t working for him, and all he wanted to do was come home. Looking back, I wish I’d never had sent him. The whole of 3rd grade, his excuse when he struggled over a simple word, was “I’m stupid”. It took quite a while to get that out of him.
Today, to be honest, he is not a great reader, but he can read if it interests him, his math is basic, but he can do it and he knows how to use the calculator. He will never be an English Major, but he doesn’t want to anyway. He is good with his hands, he wants to be a musician and he’s happy. He’s 16, doesn’t have a girlfriend because he say’s he’s not ready for “all that drama”, has never been trouble with the law, can be trusted to babysit his nephew and neices, has friends, is building a shed in the backyard, using recycled material that he finds and bargains for. and he plays a mean bluegrass tune. He’s happy. That’s all I want for him. To be happy and able to fend for himself.
I doubted many times whether I was doing the right thing. I think we all doubt at times, but don’t forget to really get to know your child and always let them know you are there. I really believe he’d still be a sad boy still calling himself “stupid” if we’d have left him in public school.
Now he’s confident young man, reliable and true to himself. And I’m so happy I listened to him all those years ago, and took him home.