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The quietest my boys have ever been at Mass - right before baptism
As a Catholic mother, one of my most important roles is to teach our Faith to our children. Attending Mass regularly exposes our children to our most central themes of our Church – seeing and receiving Jesus in the Eucharist.
With small children at home, it can be easy for mothers to ‘take a pass’ on Mass attendance, thinking, “I’ll do it when they’re older”. It can be a daunting task to get one child up and out the door for church, much less two, three, or more! If we wait to take children to Mass until we think they are ready, we may be missing out on formative years to build a familiarity with such an important part of our lives.
Ready to climb the mountain? Try some of these tips to help make Mass with children a little less stressful.
1. Arrive Early
Take some time to arrive early, to let your children burn off a bit of stream before the main event. Walk around your church, admiring the decor – statues, holy water fonts, candles, and point them out to your wee ones.
2. Sit Up Front
Is your child easily distracted? Sit right up front, so he can see all the action. He’ll be able to observe the priest at work, which may hold his attention.
3. Plan an Escape Route
In case of a potential toddler meltdown, the last place you want to be is in the middle of a packed aisle. We aim for aisle seating, perfect for the fast getaway if we need one.
4. A Little Special Something
I try to keep toys and treats that are specifically for church packed away, and only bring them out when we are at Mass. Ideas would include books, stickers, and soft toys. I’m planning on making my children something like this Nativity quiet book soon.
5. Do it Daily
Have you considered a Daily Mass? These are usually shorter, and less populated than the weekend or Holy Day Masses, and can be much more tolerable for young children. In my local parish, our Moms group is planning to attend one Daily Mass a month, bringing along our young children. We’re introducing our children in the Faith, and breathing a little easier, knowing we’re not alone in our quest.
6. Have a Snack
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Some may frown upon this one, but I always pack some mess free snacks and water for my children. Depending on the time of Mass, hunger pangs may hit.
7. Hide out in the Back
Sometimes, sitting up front just doesn’t work well. Seating your family at the rear of the church may cut down on some distractions, and makes for an easy getaway to the cry room.
8. Try the Cry Room
Personally, I don’t like the cry room. My children seem to be even louder and rowdier there, and not all parents have the same expectations of behavior. We tend to reserve this for times when other distractions just don’t work.
9. Relax
You’re not alone — millions of mothers have been right in your shoes. I like to think of this verse, when I’m feeling a bit stressed with my children at church.
Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
Do you want your children to feel close with Jesus, Mary, our beloved saints and priests? Exposing them early and often is key.
Have other tips for handling Mass with young children? Be sure and leave a comment, so we can all learn from you.
Dianna struggles with getting all four of her children to Mass, including her identical twin boys! She hosts Saints and Scripture Sundays – a weekly link up to share your favorite saints or scriptures with others. You can read more about her at The Kennedy Adventures.
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I love this even though I’m past the need for the tips since my youngest is eight but I have to share. A couple of months ago a baby was crying behind me at early Sunday Mass and of course my girls kept wanting to turn and look but I gently nudged them not too. I didn’t want the mom or grandmom as it was to think the crying was a distraction. Maybe to some point but I truly love an infant cry and I know Jesus welcomes the little ones and I’ve been there. A gentleman in front of us kept looking back past us and sighing and shaking his head in disapproval. He just wouldn’t stop turning around and frowning. That was more of a distraction but I let it go. Suddenly, right in the middle of the Consecration a phone rang. Guess who’s? The man hurried to try to end the disturbance. I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself.
We are trying to get a moms group going in our parish, and the Daily Mass is something we are going to do too. I have started taking my 4 year old with me and she does so much better during the week than on Sunday. It is sooooo much more peaceful.
Our pastor (a Trappist monk, no less) once told us that, at a certain point, splitting up on a Sunday so that each parent has the chance to go to Mass in peace is not a bad thing. He pointed out that we’re not obliged by the Church to attend Mass “as a family,” but to attend Mass and also to rear our children in service to Christ. When Mass is always a stressful event for mom and dad, he says, think about taking turns on one or two Sundays out of the month. Your children will pass the “uncontrollable stage” and you can resume going all together. This also helps, he said, when the older children get the chance to go to Mass with just one parent, and it feels like their “special time” with mom or dad.
All that said, we sit in the back lots of weekends, use the cryroom all the time, and do the daily Mass thing as often as possible because it’s so much shorter! 🙂
I love this post! It’s so important for the little ones to get to Mass (and I know! I’ve got 5 aged 6 and younger.) The best behavior we get from our children is when we sit front and center in front of the Priest. We go to the same Mass every weekend at the same time, and the Parish has come to look for our family. My husband and I are both very strict. We expect good behavior, “Church behavior”, from my older boys (4,5, and 6). For every time we take them out, they lose privileges. Church is important to us, to our family life, and it is reflected in our children. This point was really driven home to me when a friend was bemoaning that most Moms wouldn’t dream of taking their kids to Church because they might be noisy. And yet, the same moms have no problems bringing the children to their local library with certain expectations of behavior accordingly.
Church bags are great! You can get some great kids books at your local Catholic supply store. Plastic Saints and Rosaries go a long way to get toddlers through Mass, and they tend to be inexpensive. Another great idea for a Church bag. Gather the prayer cards around your home, or invest in a set from online stores. Buy a small photo album and keep 4-5 Saint cards in there. Every week before Mass, go back through the album and “refresh it” with new Saint cards, so the children are entertained by new and Holy men and women.
Crayons and coloring books are not such a good idea, as little hands tend to drop them and they make more of a mess than they’re worth. But those chunky wooden rosaries are really nice!
I encourage my older boys to play Mass at home. That way while they’re at Mass, they’re “picking up cues” from Father on how to say Mass more closely. If they start to get distracted, usually all I have to whisper is “are you learning the parts of the Mass for when we get home?” and they’ll snap to and watch so they can “play Mass” later on when we get home…
Most important, as hard as it can be, model the behavior you expect from your children. Show them that prayer is important, by being attentive, praying reverently, and allowing your children to see you worship in the Mass. It’s contagious! Even my 18 mos old daughter will fold her hands and bow her head now with her brothers and me:) In the end, its all worth it!
What good timing for this post! I just blogged about this topic yesterday 🙂 Bringing little ones to mass is not easy (at least not for me). We usually start in church but inevitably end up in the cry room. Like you said, going to the cry room isn’t the best because some parents let their children do things I wouldn’t let mine do… so this can escalate bad behaviour. I’ve found it helpful to re-evalute my expectations re:bringing my little ones to mass, especially of my 2.5 yo son. He can’t sit still for an hour and while we try I’ve learned not to get upset at him when he needs to move around a bit.
I am a retired Catholic homeschooling mom of seventeen years who loves to read about homeschooling. In the area where I lived, all the large, homeschooling families attended daily Mass. I attended, with my children, daily Mass and weekly confession for the entirety of those seventeen years and in doing so learned some important points. 1) Start going to Mass with your children at a very young age. Then your life and your children’s will revolve around the Mass. 2) Never underestimate the power of the Sacraments. They will realize the importance of the Sacraments as important to the life of the soul as eating is to the life of body. It will come naturally. 3) Try to show them the very best that the church has to offer. Keep your standards high. 4) Don’t give your children snacks during the Mass. I know it sounds great, but it develops bad habits later. For example, I knew a mother of ten children who always brought snacks to church until she realized her children associated Mass with snack time and were always hungry and wanted food during Mass. She stopped snacks immediately. 5) Don’t give up. Every mother who takes their children to Mass, let alone daily Mass, has stories about how bad and how embarrassing their children behaved. As a young mother, I have a story where I took my children out during Mass to scold and discipline them beyond the glass door. Later I discovered that everyone in the church heard me! Perseverance is the key. 6) Eventually they behave if you don’t give up. Kids are very smart and know when Mommy will give in and give up. They constantly test you until one day they find out you won’t give in. 7) Don’t compare your children to so and so because your family, circumstances, and temperaments are different. You don’t know how long they have been going to Mass or if their children or on medication that makes them hyper,etc. 8) Have a plan. Sit in the back of the church in the beginning or always. Go outside if they are disruptive, but come back in. Children need order, schedule, and they need to know who is in charge. They also need to grow in character and virtue. 9) If you bring things to Mass makes sure it pertains to God. I brought religious books to Mass and let these books only be brought out at this time and I changed them frequently. 10) Try to go to Mass when other families go . Get to know them and support each other, if only by each other’s present. 11) Go as a family on Sunday. Your children will see your family as a unit later on. It is true that a family that prays together stays together.
I second Carol’s post. We have found that practice makes perfect. We decided to take our 3 yr old and 1 yr old to the Triduum services last year and the first two nights were a nightmare. We were in tears and felt like failures as parents. By the time we got to Easter Sunday the kids were pro’s at behaving in church. Daily Mass helps too. Kids need to know what to expect. Expect them to behave, they won’t, but let them know the expectations. The only books our kids get to take to Mass are books about the Mass, so they get to follow along in pictures. Over our short 4 yrs of parenting, we have found that snacks, toys and over stimulation via excessive “Church” bag items are all a recipe for bad behavior.
Thanks for all of the helpful suggestions!
I think it’s also important to remember that what works for one family may not work for another. In other words, every family, and every child is different. One of our most important jobs is to avoid judging others, and just be thankful that families are attending Mass with their children.