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The following post is from Christine of Christine Trevino:
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This August, we tried something crazy and amazing and incredibly terrifying.
We started homeschooling our five-year-old for Kindergarten.
In many ways it felt like we were walking off a cliff. Literally. Educationally. Socially.
Having both attended public school through twelfth grade, not only was this idea completely outside the realm of normal for my husband and I, it was completely outside the realm of normal for everyone we knew.
While we’ve been met with tremendous amounts of support from the people who matter most in our lives, it’s been hard for me to shake that feeling of different every time the word homeschool comes up. I totally get it. It just makes for some awkward conversation.
I’ve been on both sides of this fence.
At first it wasn’t that I felt different; it was that I felt judged.
For a very long time, I thought homeschool was a less than great idea. The people I knew who made this choice for their families just rubbed me the wrong way every time they laid out all the reasons why homeschool was the best, the only, the right option for their child (and every other child they made it seem).
I may have said I would never, ever homeschool because of these less than encounters.
Until my oldest was getting closer to starting kindergarten in a public school that was less than what we hoped.
My husband and I talked extensively and weighed our options. We researched and considered possibilities until it became clear homeschooling our oldest might be the best choice for our family after all.
I wasn’t completely on board until I started meeting families, talking with moms, and even adults who had been homeschooled as children, who completely shattered the reservations of my heart that had been built up over the years.
These families very openly demonstrated to me that homeschool is not a one-size-fits-all, or the end-all-to-all-be-all. They were honest about their struggles and joys, their questions, what they loved, what they might do different the second time around, and they helped me believe there could be much good through this journey for my kids. And for me.
I needed someone to tell me what they were NOT saying when they told me they homeschool their kids to help me find my own perspective. Maybe you can relate.
Now these are the things I’m NOT saying when I tell you.
1. I’m not saying public school is bad.
I have quite a few friends that are public school teachers who are real and true gifts to the students they teach.
One of the most influential and cherished teachers in my life was a public school teacher.
Public school, when executed well, for the right child can be a very good thing.
2. I’m not saying I’m better than you.
We both have to do the best we can with what we have for our kids. That’s going to look incredibly different for each of us and that’s ok. It’s the way it should be.
3. I’m not saying I won’t make mistakes.
I am most certain that I will.
But I’m equally as certain I’d do that with or without homeschooling.
I think mistakes are just the dues we pay as parents that earn us the right to eventually become grandparents.
4. I’m not saying this is easy.
Homeschooling is hard. It does not inherently come natural to me, but every morning I wake up and do my best because I know this is the right decision for my family right now.
Lest you think this makes me some type of super mom, please see number two above, and also note that there is very little cleaning that gets done in my house on a regular basis.
Or ever, at all.
5. I’m not saying this is perfect.
Nothing is perfect. Not public school. Not private school. Not homeschool.
There are advantages and disadvantages in each system, and our job is just to maximize the advantages and minimize the disadvantages for our kids as best as we can.
My mom did this by joining the PTA. My friend did this by moving her family into another district. We are doing this by homeschooling.
6. I’m not saying this is forever.
Some families know right from the get-go this decision to homeschool is for life. God bless those families. We just aren’t one of them.
What I know today is that kindergarten works well enough for us to keep at this for 1st grade. Where we go from there, I don’t know yet. We’re taking each year as it comes.
7. I’m not saying I don’t love this choice right now.
For every moment of sheer exasperation, there are more-than-I-can-count moments of inexplicable joy.
Homeschooling has forced me to stop, to interact, to listen. To share beyond what the schedule of the day is going to be, or what playdate we are going on and with whom, to really engage my children in ways that have surprised me a thousand times over.
This experience has been surprising and good and everything our little family needed right now.
For that I am incredibly grateful.
What are you NOT saying when you tell someone you homeschool or use public or private school?
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I am not saying I have exemplary patience. I am NOT saying I’m a saint.
Barbara, I got that one yesterday- “You must be a saint!” Ha! I lose my patience just as easily as any other parent. And then I get to teach my kids about how to apologize once I’ve cooled down. 😉
AMEN TO BOTH!
I love this article! I homeschool and my sister is one of the best public school teachers you will ever meet but our local school didn’t work for us. We tried. Sometimes I think it would be easier if they went to school but I know what we are doing is best for them. I shared your article on my blog’s Facebook page.
Thanks for sharing the article Stephanie! I love how you have such a great appreciation for the public school and the work your sister does, while also still finding the best fit for your family! That’s what it’s all about!
What I don’t say is my lack of patience. Especially on those days when my 8 yr old is telling me she can’t do anything or it’s to hard, or rolling around in agony like she’s in pain that she has to learn something.
Unless someone says ” I don’t have the patience like you do,” I just don’t talk about it much. I then retort with, ” I don’t have anymore patience than the next person.”
Thanx I needed to read your relation & understanding.
It’s rediculous some of the things our children come up with & do to deal with having to simply learn something. All the while I’m wondering if they would be behaving like that out at school. Or does the perpetual experience of fear (of embarrassment, shame, etc.) when around others make them not go there?! Or does the perpetual battles of wills here at home change them more willingly, just eventually. I know some of that depends on the individual’s understanding & perception & with what they are up against with others & life. And I know some of it has to do with a maturity level in their own head & comfort level here at home. But the consequences are still there, just not to the extent in public (which like I said is more perpetualy fear based).
Some days though, my teacher/parental patients are shot right out the top of my head. But, I still know this is the best way for now & I’ll just have to make or even let tomorrow be better!
I sure wish I could go sit in on a few elementary public school classes to see what some teachers have to deal with on a regular basis. Though I do like a bit of some of those unschooling ways just mixed in with some of that rigourous understanding & usage. Like good old practice, review, practice, review & then demonstrate or the I do, we do, you do method, to gauge their understanding level. Because once they can understand & teach it back, they can just move on.
I just love seeing the light click on in their mind when a kid truly gets it & can now apply it (Whatever it may be!), see it, & use it. ♡ (=
Ah thanks for your honesty Tracy. I’m so glad I’m not the only one :).
Quite honestly that response does not help. We have tried to homeschool twice. Both times it was not a success and the kids went back to school. I stay in touch with the homeschool world because I think homeschooler have great insight to how kids learn and even as a public school parent I want to be the best I can be. But when you say “I do not have any more patience then you” I hear “You could do it if you just tried harder.” I think it would be a little easier on me if homeschool mom’s would just admit they have a skill set I do not. It is totally fine by me that they do. I am sure I have a skill set most of them do not.
I agree that you have to do what is right for your family (and we may homeschool again one day) but admitting that you are good at something makes me feel like less of a loser for not being able to do it.
We all have different skill sets, strengths and weaknesses. The truth is that patience is a choice not something you are born with. I am not an extraordinarily patient person with amazingly well -behaved children. I’m making a choice to react a certain way or NOT react in many cases. Those choices are going to differ from family to family. When she says, “I don’t have any more patience than the next person” I hear her saying that she has the same challenges as many other parents and is admitting that this is very challenging for us all. She is simply choosing one path among many to meet those challenges. At least that’s what I mean when I say it. It’s not a judgement on the choices of others. Homeschooling is not for every child or family and you should not feel as if it’s some kind of test. I think if it did not work for your family, that is fine. There is no one, right way to educate. Children thrive in all sorts of environments.
We’ve homeschooled for more than 13 years. Youngest is 12, oldest 23. You’re exactly right. Great post. Whenever I tell people we homeschool – after avoiding saying it – their first response is often “omg! I could never homeschool kids!” My response? “Good thing, because no one is asking you to.” We all do what’s best for our families at any given moment. What’s best can also be subject to change. Enjoy your kiddos!
“What’s best can also be subject to change.” I love that perspective! This is something my husband and I are trying to keep in the front of our minds as we evaluate how we homeschool both our boys now and what we may be led to do in the future.
The article should say “for my husband and ME.”
I’m not saying you have to be a college professor to teach your own kids. I’m learning right along with them. I’m not saying I’m super organized and plan ahead. Some days I fly by the seat of my pants and don’t have what I need.
Exactly, this is how I work too. So many people think they need to be educated to teach. Honestly, you just have to be willing to learn.
Great blog Christine.
I love the concept of this post- whenever I say “we homeschool” people almost automatically start to speak out of their own insecurities. I do, however say that public school is bad. . . because it is. So, then, I also say that this choice is forever. . . because I can’t afford private school and my children will only go back to public school over my dead body 😉 LOL But, yes, generally these things you’ve shared are true of what I’m not saying when I say we homeschool.
Another “What I’m not saying”: I’m not saying that you have to homeschool too.
It’s so true – when we are met with any kind of “different” our insecurities immediately start boiling up to the surface. “I’m not saying that you have to homeschool too.” I love that last thought.
This was my exact thoughts Ren. I would say public school is generally bad. But I am not saying everyone who works there is bad, I too know lots of great teachers in the public school system. Unfortunately it is a system and if your kids don’t fit, or your belief system is contrary to theirs, well….Otherwise I agree with Christine. What I’m Not saying is Everyone should homeschool. It really isn’t for everyone but anyone could do it, especially if I can.
Great post! I would add my voice to the others:
“I am not saying I am the most patient, or that my kids and I ‘click’ over their school work. Some days are just a battle!”
and also:
“I’m not saying I’m super smart, but I’m learning, and therefore teaching by example, how to go out and find the knowledge I lack. Homeschooling has been a great education for this mama!” (Don’t tell my mama, since I too was homeschooled! haha)
Keep up the great writing, and blessings to your education journey!
I’m not saying it’s for everyone (but I do wish more would families would try).
I’m not saying you should do it, too (only you know if it’s the best option for your family).
I’m not saying I’m never tempted to put him in school (there are days, just sayin’).
I’m not saying you’re a bad mom if you don’t homeschool (or that I’m a good mom because I do).
I’m not saying I’m never afraid of messing it up (because I know I make huge mistakes, like every mom).
I’m not saying I love everything about it (lesson planning, ’nuff said).
I’m glad you feel this way. So many homeschoolers on the internet are so pushy! They have the attitude that everyone should do it and post lists like, “Your reasons for not homeschooling and my rebuttals to them!” Uh, how about if I just don’t want to?? To each his own, and if the kids are learning and enjoying whatever way you do it, who cares?
I just wanted to chime in to let people know that I don’t think this post is an appropriate spot to debate grammar usage by homeschoolers or by public school teachers. I wasn’t aware that approving one comment about grammar was going to bring out all kinds of comments in regards to the grammar usage of both parties. I think it’s safe to say that we all know homeschool teachers who make grammar or spelling mistakes, just as we all know public and private school teachers who make grammar or spelling mistakes. I’m not approving any more comments regarding the grammar and spelling of either party not because I want to censor comments, but rather because I feel it is irrelevant to this particular discussion. Thanks so much!
I’m not saying I have more patience than you. Because I will be happy to have a full head of hair when I am 30. I’m not saying that my child is gifted or academically challenged. He is just a normal kid with strengths and weak areas too.
I’m not saying I’m super mom, that I’m a better mom than you, or that I am always happy about staying home. I’m also not telling you that there are days when I envy YOU, the mom that gets to go to work and the kids that go to school.
What I hope I’m saying to you is that we are all just doing our darndest in this rats race called life, and what is good for me is not going to be ideal for you, and vice versa. And that is AWESOME, that’s what makes us unique and individualistic!
I am not saying that there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think, “Am I screwing up my kids’ lives???” or “Would my children be happier in school all day??”
I’m not saying my kids wouldn’t be further along than they are currently, but I believe they are enjoying the process of growing and learning. The means to the end we have in mind for our children is different than that of a system/institution.
It drives me CRAZY for people to make the assumption that I do what I do (SAHM, homeschooler, whatever), because it’s “easy” or it’s “my thing,” or whatever. This IS NOT “my thing.” It is HARD. It is often not fun. It is not how I would choose to define “fulfilling” if someone asked. I do it because it’s what God has called me to do during this season of my life, and I actually find it incredibly insulting — almost like a slap in the face — when people suggest that I do it “because it’s easy.”
When I say I homeschool my kids, I’m saying this is what God has shown my husband and me is best for our kids, so we obey. No more. No less. (Although I will, on my own blog, or in a conversation when asked, get into more specifics about what we believe to be pros and cons. I believe I can be more dogmatic in my own space ’cause if people don’t like it they don’t have to read. 😉 )
And I have to say that public school teachers have a HARD job! I certainly don’t have an issue with teachers!
Thank you for saying this!!! I have one in school and home school one in addition to keeping track of my three-year-old. You’ve said exactly what I feel!
I’m not saying I am a patient person. Everyone who finds out that I homeschool says “Oh, I could NEVER do that. I don’t have the patience for it….” And I laugh (to myself) as I am about the least patient person on the planet. God himself has made me into someone who can do this because He wanted me to do it. He made me “able”…..He gives you what you need. Can I hear an amen.
Amen!! My patience just today was very short! I am trying to work on that! And must days I don’t feel qualified to teach my children. But because God wanted me too!
I have 4 kids. I home school my twins (one has special needs) and I send their younger sister to public school. Their little brother is 4 and I plan to send him to half day kindergarten next year. I feel like people just don’t know what to do with me when I say I do both. It’s definitely awkward, but it’s harder for them to judge me right away. I believe there are advantages to both settings that the other setting just does poorly and I think you have to know your kids and do what the Lord instructs for each kid.
Even though I love what I am doing and feel called by God to do it at this time: I’m not saying that I feel totally fulfilled in this life I lead. I am often lonely. Even though there are many other homeschooling mamas out there – each one has a vision, calling or purpose that she probably feels strongly about and that also takes a lot of energy and time to pursue. So while I may be able to find ample social activities for my kids, I find that my social life is lacking. I feel like I have a full-time job without the benefit of the camaraderie of an office setting. And yes, this happens even though we are part of a co-op.
It is incredibly lonely. I totally agree. I often fantasize about going back to work, just so I can have regular adult interaction and feel like I belong. But, I know I would be letting my kids down. They need me at home.
Hey there Amy, thank you for your comment; it perfectly sums up how I often feel 🙂 x
Love this. It’s exactly what I say, if people ask. “Your choices aren’t wrong any more than my choices are wrong. They’re just different. That’s all.”
Great Read! I homeschool my kids & was a public school teacher for 10 years. I loved teaching but once I had my own kids I found it very difficult to be the type of teacher I felt my students needed. I chose to homeschool for this reason… You only have so much time with your children. I want to spend as much time with them as I can.
After 14 years and graduating two kids, I would say that the worst thing about homeschooling is the immediate judgment the confession levels on public school moms, and it wasn’t even intended (I’m not saying I’m a better mom!)
When we moved to a house between two public school families, it was the public school neighbor kids who condemned their own moms and begged them to homeschool them because my kids got to do school in their pjs…my kids were loving school and the neighbor kids were jealous…it made me so uncomfortable!
Well said. Thank you for sharing 🙂
your article is perfect timing. We are into our fourth year of homeschooling (my oldest being grade 3 and my youngest being grade 2). This is definitely not an easy journey. My husband and I talk recently about the sacrifices we make- living on one income being the big one. Some days are very trying and I find I’m not being a good mother let alone a great teacher. I wonder if the benefits out weigh the sacrifices some days. Perhaps if my kids were in public school and both of us were earning again without the stress of one income and all that it encompasses, would be a positive to our family unit. Really struggling. Finding it hard to have the motivation to engage with them especially as one parent pointed out her eight year old is freaking out having to do a certain task that is being requested of them and would they have the same reaction if in a public school setting. Today was a really tough day and I’m wondering if public school would be better for them. I never thought I would say that.
Think back to the reasons you started doing this. Reevaluate your goals for your children…not just academically but physically, relationally, spiritually etc. And maybe take an early Spring break to get back to having fun with your kiddos. I pray you find peace in your decisions.
Hugs and prayers to you!! I also have a 3rd and second grader. I also have a 4 year old and a 9 month old. Some days are so hard to just do normal tasks! I also feel I am not being a good mom or teacher but we just keep dredging on!
I also look at my nephew (not to be judgey or think I am better) he goes to public school and he is so mouthy. Then I realize one reason I wanted to start was because I wanted my children to be able to learn better manners (still think I am failing here though!) And just have better attitudes.
I’m not saying that they should, too or that my children are geniuses.
I enjoyed your post.
Very nicely written! You expressed some very important points. Homeschooling is a choice and can be a very rewarding journey. Take one day at a time. You will know if you are to continue this journey until the end. I started homeschooling my oldest, who is now 24, when he was in the 4th grade. We made the choice because he was diagnosed with epilepsy and was having difficulty in a wonderful private Christian school, because of the frequency of seizures. His awesome teacher suggested that we try homeschooling, and here we are 16 years later, still on this journey. That son, got his GED several years ago, and schooling was never easy with/for him. My daughter graduated 2 years ago and my last one graduates in 3 months. Overall, it was worth the time and experiences that we shared together!
1. I am NOT saying that my Instagram posting of those picture-perfect science experiments and French projects represent the every day for us. Most days, it’s math sheets and reading stories
and copy work (or as we call it “beautiful letters”).
2. I’m also NOT saying that we’re the picture of organizational perfection. Some days, we do our work on the floor, because my small millinery business eats every surface in the school room.
3. I’m NOT saying I could do all this on my own. It takes a concerted effort between my husband, our babysitter, and occasionally my therapist. And the barista at Starbucks who makes the most perfect latte ever.
4. I’m sure as heck not saying this is the best option for your kid. I’m sure as heck saying it was the best one for mine, and I’d love to talk about the reasons that led to this decision.
5. I’m NOT saying you couldn’t do this. You could. You can. If you want to, let me know. I’d love to walk this hard, crazy, awesome road with you.
Tiff, I love your honesty. Especially number 3. It is so important for homeschool moms to know not only do they not have to go it alone, they can’t. They need support in lots of forms to make this decision work and worthwhile. Thanks for the reminder that was to me :).
I know this is an old post, but YES to numbers 4 & 5!!
I am a (Whole-Life) homeschooling mother of 13 years to my seven children. What I’m not saying is that it’s not a commitment. It’s a commitment like unto a marriage with it’s own unique battles and victories. I’m not saying that we attempt to replicate the public school at home. Homeschooling does not have to look like public schooling at home, and that’s ok, because it’s homeschool.
Thank you so much for this blog post! It reflects my feelings so accurately. I recently began home-schooling my high school son. (I also started a tutoring service to be able to work with children one-on-one in the late afternoon/early evening hours. This came after I left a teaching position I had held for over 20 years). It is a “different” path than what I had foreseen, but it is the one that God had for us and I have learned SO much…. both in home-schooling and in tutoring after teaching in a traditional setting for so many years.
Perfectly stated.
Thank you so much for writing this! We had contemplated homeschooling for a very long time, eventually we decided to enter our daughter into online school. We are happy with it. So many people are trying to sway our decision. She is involved in gymnastics and swimming and I firmly believe that is “socialization” enough for her, you were able to articulate the feelings I had perfectly!