Teaching Kids with Anxiety: Caution! Volcano May Erupt Any Time

The following post is from Becky of This Reading Mama:

*I do not claim to be a counselor or an expert on anxiety. While I will share tips that have helped us, you need to find what works for you and your child. If you resonate with this article, I would also advise you to seek professional help. You will be so glad you did!

Homeschooling has not been an easy choice for our family, but it’s something I know God has called me to do. His call has been my solid rock when other rock has been shifting (or some days melting).

It started around my son’s later months in Kindergarten. Tantrums. Extremely defiant behavior. Outbursts for what seemed like “no good reason.”  I was floored. What was wrong with my child?

I know. He needed me to be more strict. I would simply NOT put up with this kind of behavior. But earlier bedtimes and more consequences didn’t seem to change a thing. I know. He needs to go to public school. So we toured our local public school in first grade, but God was still calling me to Him. I never felt a peace about it. I wanted to so badly, but He never gave it to me. I know. Lots of positive rewards for his good behavior. While this one worked better in the 2nd grade, the tantrums and outbursts were still there, and still way too frequent.

And the scary thing was, I began dreading my days with him. I didn’t want him to come downstairs in the morning because I knew what was coming. That volcano could erupt at any moment. And why? I just didn’t know. I was about to wave the white flag of surrender when a friend said, “I know. Why don’t you go to a family counselor who can help you sort this all out?” So, I did. What I discovered was amazing.

Tips for Teaching Kids with Anxiety

After talking with me and meeting my son, the family counselor said my son was a child with high anxiety. After she explained a few things, the puzzle pieces started coming together. The light bulb came on! I’d like to share a few things we’ve implemented since then that have CHANGED OUR WORLD.

1. Give Kids Choices

All kids like to have choices, but kids with high anxiety tend to sweat over the loss of control. This can easily erupt into tantrums and outbursts of anger, at least it did for my child. When we can offer kids “control” over things like the order in which they do their schoolwork, this sense of control can help to prevent future eruptions.

2. Give Kids a Safe Place to Fail

My son didn’t want to fail or make mistakes. One line drawn wrong in his picture can lead to meltdown city. And being a perfectionist myself only added fuel to the fire. I am learning to let go of the idea of  “perfect.” He needs to see me make mistakes and then get right back up and move on. And I need to allow him to do the same.

3. Validate Kids’ Feelings

This was an important one for me. Instead of saying, “Oh, stop that. Your attitude is ridiculous,” I am learning to say things like, “I understand that you’re disappointed…” or, “That would make me angry, too.” By telling him to just stuff down the feelings, I’m not allowing him to have a healthy vent of emotion; and this leads to a bigger eruption later.

4. Give Kids Extra Time

“You have 10 minutes to finish writing time, so you’d better hurry.” Yeah, that one was a total flop! While I do have a routine I like to stick with, placing strict time restraints on kids with anxiety can cause a major eruption. Been there. Done that.

5. Remain Calm When Explosions Happen

This one has been the hardest for me. He erupts, then I explode with questions: What’s your problem? Why are you pitching yet another tempter tantrum? Why can’t you calm down? My expressed frustration only makes things worse. Ten times worse. Instead of demanding he calm down right now or I won’t help him, I’ve learned to take a step back, realize it’s not personal, and calmly say, “I’m going to go get a drink of water and give you time to express your frustration. When you’ve found a calm place again, we’ll get back to work.”

6. Provide a Way to Release Anxiety

Does your child enjoy a certain sport? Encourage him to explore it. Anxiety was explained to me as a surge of adrenaline in the body at the “wrong” time. Give it a release. When it comes, instead of demanding that your child sit and finish the work, ask him to take pillows and beat the couch. Do it together! Run some laps around the house together. Let the surge be vented in a healthy way.

7. Pray, Pray, Pray

Kids need to know that they can cast their anxiety on God. He cares. He really does. He understands my child’s anxiety much better than me. And He can be completely trusted. Pray with your child. Pray for your child. Go into his bedroom at night, when the “volcano” is sleeping, lay hands on your child, and pray for him. If nothing else, through prayer, God can give YOU a different heart for your child.

Do you teach a child with anxiety? What ideas would you add? I’d love to learn from you!

Becky Spence is a homeschooling mama to four little blessings who keep her on her feet {and knees}. She is passionate about teaching, specifically literacy. She is the author of This Reading Mama, where she shares reading and writing activities and tips as well as free literacy curricula and printables. You can connect with her on Google +, Pinterest, Facebook, and Twitter.