I Love My Husband More than the Kids

I am still totally smitten with my husband. We’ve been married over six years, and of course we’ve had bumps in the road, but we’ve still seen each other through everything. And we are more in love than ever.

When we had our first child, it was instant and amazing love. Unconditional, in fact. There is nothing my children could do that would make me love them any less. They make my life joyful, fun, and full of laughter. The kids also challenge me to be a better person because they deserve a mother who is patient, loving, and helpful all the time. There is no doubt that I love my children. SO much.

Me and my favorite. Photo courtesy of Tara Shay Photography

There are some who say, “I’m so in love with my baby.” And I’m sure I’ve said this before, but when I really stop to think about it, I’m not sure that’s true. The one I’m “in love” with (whether I feel like it or not) is my husband. Some of you will want to kick me for saying this, but I love him more than I love our children. More.

It definitely is a different type of love. When each of our children were born, we had the “love explosion,” the instant attachment knowing that this tiny person is a part of you, a decision made by the two of you to become parents. But my husband and I took our time falling in love. We had to get to know each other – click here to read our story.

He’s the one God created for me. I am the flighty, high energy one, and he always keeps me grounded, makes me laugh with his dry sense of humor, and is honest with me, even if I don’t want to hear it. When I look at him, it’s like looking in an opposite mirror. The reflection is as familiar and comfortable as looking at my own face, but he’s the perfect compliment, the perfect opposite to me.

We were talking about marriage recently, and it went like this.

Him: You know, marriage is between two people.

Me: Duh! We aren’t polygamists!

Him: Yeah, two people. God and me and you.

Me: What? Isn’t that three?

Him: No, God is one, and you and I are one.

See why I love him more than anyone? He and I are one. When we got married, we became one body in Christ. We are just one person now, and nothing can separate us.

So, what is love for my husband and me?

  1. Love is packing his lunch every morning, no matter how tired I am.
  2. Love is my four-year-old son asking, “Are you thinking about Daddy?” when he catches me randomly smiling.
  3. Love is attending Mass as a family, and always giving each other the sign of peace first… with a kiss.
  4. Love is parenting together and acting as one unit when it comes to discipline.
  5. Love is putting him above all others, even myself, and letting him do the same for me.
  6. Love is growing together in faith through all means possible.
  7. Love is respecting each other’s feelings and treating each other as equals.
  8. Love is knowing that I’m his rib, the one God created for him.
  9. Love is when he puts the kids to bed every night, prays with them, and reads them stories so I can have a few minutes alone.
  10. Love is choosing to care, choosing to rely on him, choosing to put him ahead of everything else. Except God, of course. But that’s just a given.
Do you love your husband the most, forsaking all others? What is “love” for you and your husband? What do you do to show that love every day?

When she’s not busy making googly eyes at her husband, Bryn enjoys photography and being a stay-at-home mom to their three children. She blogs about her journey of faith, her family, living simply, and recognizing God’s many blessings at Simply Fulfilled.

Comments

    • Bryn says

      Thanks for reading, Christine. It’s always good to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way!

  1. Claire says

    I don’t want to kick you for saying this. I admire you for feeling this way. I believe that it’s God’s plan for us to put our spouse’s first. I try to do that, but emotion-wise I’m not there. I love my husband dearly, but nothing can compare to the love I have for my son. I gauge it based on how I would feel if God forbid I lost one of them. Losing my husband would be devastating, and I would probably never be happy again. But if I lost my son, I don’t think I would be able to get out of bed in the morning.

    • Bryn says

      Thank you so much for reading Claire, and for not wanting to kick me! I know it can be hard to differentiate your feelings, and that’s the exact reason I wrote this. When my son was first born, I thought that there could be no stronger love than the bond between mother and child, but as our children have grown, my husband and I have grown an even closer connection. Thanks again for your comment and Merry Christmas!

      • Claire says

        Merry Christmas to you too Bryn! Sometimes I think that the fact that I only have one child adds to the intensity of my feelings for him. I’m hoping that as he gets older and more independent, the balance will shift a little toward my husband. Thanks for a great article!

  2. says

    Hello Bryn

    I truly appreciated this post… and I think I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been married a few years more than you.. ok well, a lot (22 next Feb) and I feel the same way about my husband. There were in-between years when the children absorbed me and he was busy and distracted and we didn’t share what we do today.

    I’ve always known that someday my children would grow up and have their own lives and we would be left behind..the ones who started it all with the fruit of our love. I understand what Claire is saying, but we will ‘lose’ them one day…we aren’t meant to keep them forever, but the one to whom we made our vows.. that’s forever! So keep loving on him Bryn, keep on nurturing your special love… it doesn’t take away from your love for your children…as you say its a different love entirely and a different bond.

    Have a wonderful Christmas to all Catholic Moms online and I wish you all God’ s blessings for the new year.

  3. says

    Sounds like you are very blessed with a beautiful marriage and family!

    I don’t usually categorize loving as “more or less”, I’m more inclined to consider it “easy or difficult”. I think of love simply as giving of myself for the good of another. With my children this seems to be an instinctual response yet with my husband, of 10 years now, it has become more of a conscious willful decision. Sometimes it is “easier” to love my children, than it is to love my huband, because of our birthing bond and my motherly instinct. Sometimes though it is easier to love my husband because he is capable of returning the same kind of self-giving love. Responding to or expecting love makes “loving” alot easier in my opinion.

    If I were to think of it as more or less I would have to say I love my children more. At this time in life, while they are still young, I spend most of my time and effort loving them than I do my husband. Perhaps this is simply because their needs are greater right now.

    • Bryn says

      I agree, it is so much easier to love our children, it seems so natural. And me too, with three kids under the age of five, I definitely spend more time taking care of them. I think the point I was trying to make is that we need to also make time to nurture our marriages as much as we nurture our children.

  4. Camille says

    I dont know what to say about this article. Im 20 years old, and i still cant forget what my mom told me before. I was 15 at the time and i was watching titanic, i asked my mom “mom if you were to chose, who would you save in a sinking ship, us (her children) or dad?” she said “your dad, cause with him i can make more children if you guys go.” and since then ive slightly resented thier marraige. And ive never forgiven her for that comment. i guess some moms are just better than some.

    • Bryn says

      Wow, that’s really not how I meant it at all! I just wanted emphasize the difference in marital love vs. parental love. I need to make my husband a priority so that I can be an excellent mother to our children. You’ve heard the saying, “The best thing a dad can do for his daughter is love her mother”? Well I want to do the same for my kids by loving their dad. Hope this clarifies what I’m saying a little better!

    • Bryn says

      Also, I agree with Tricia’s comment above, it is so EASY to love our children. At 20 years old, I’m assuming you aren’t married and don’t have children yet, but when you do, you’ll see that it’s so easy to spend all of your time thinking about your child’s wants and needs, almost idolizing your child while neglecting your marriage. I think the point I was trying to make in this article is that we as wives need to nurture our marriages as much as we nurture our children. Make sense?

  5. Star says

    My college psychology teacher said “The best gift you can give your children is a great marriage”