About marriage…

I have been trying to get ready for my afternoon as Molly is in her room not really napping, and I am thinking of Eric. I was thinking how funny it is to be so much like someone else, but also so different. I typically think of us as having pretty different personalities that just mesh well together, but then there are so many things that we are of exactly the same mind about, and it often cracks us both up.

Like, case in point, I knew that he liked science fiction (which I, as unkind as it is, will often see a movie he has requested from Netflix, and then I declare it to be “a crappy movie that I don’t want to watch” when I tell him what is next in the queue). Imagine his surprise when years into our relationship (dating), he found out that I have loved Star Wars since I was a little girl. He tells me that’s science fiction too, but I don’t buy that. LOL *wink* I just see it as our little way of identifying ourselves as nerds. (We do agree though, that as Star Wars nerds, we rank above Star Trek nerds.)

I have, I feel, successfully brought him to my way of thinking many, many times of the years. That’s what I do — I’m persuasive. LOL He will now eat (and enjoy) macaroni & cheese with tuna in it, as well as things like broccoli and spinach. He even eats his Dinty Moore Beef Stew on bread (on a plate) instead of in a bowl. He will, however, still not eat tomatoes, despite my best efforts. My efforts in “molding” him have also somewhat worked as far as music goes. He and I enjoy a lot of the same music. However, it is still painful for me every time I forget and his the “3” button on his car radio and hit the country station (just for effect, even when I am alone, I have to screech). And, I fear that he will never enjoy sitting down to listen to The Cure, the Violent Femmes, or Michael W. Smith (how are those for a crazy combination?).

But, I suppose if people were too much alike, there would be no fun in life. So, maybe there is fun to be had in me knowing that he likes to sometimes watch crappy movies, and he thinks that I sometimes listen to crappy music. (Ha — see there, Eric — I know that your movies are crappy, but you only think that my music is crappy.)

As I was pondering on these things, I also thought of our marriage. It hasn’t been perfect, but I don’t think there is such a thing as a “perfect” marriage. Perfect happens in books and movies, we are influenced to believe in a perfect marriage from the media. This year, we will be married for 11 years, and I think the good times have FAR out weighed the bad.

I think the key to that is we have always been committed to each other. There were a couple of times where some people might have gone their separate ways. Not because of fights, but just because there were a couple of periods of time when we both knew that it was like we were living together as best friends who happened to have gotten married and had a child. I guess we both knew that it was a phase, and we lived through it. I feel that I can safely say that in this period of time, we love each other more than we probably ever have before. There are some things, I think, that only come with time. And, this period of our relationship feels that way. We’ve been building to this — this is a place you only get to with time.

I will finally end this long-winded posting with two thoughts that stick in my head about marriage and relationships. One is from our priest, and then other by me, at age 16 after a reconciliation after a short break up.

The first lesson would be that you have to find someone that you can’t be without. Mind you, this doesn’t mean that things are great when you are together, but you need to not be able to image your life without them. Upon us getting back together, I told Eric something I think I will always remember, “I guess sometimes we will have to be unhappy together, because we are miserable apart.”

And, the second is from Fr. Dan. He told us in RCIA that you need to be married to someone that helps you to be the best person you can be… someone who will help you get to Heaven. I don’t think truer words could be spoken. As for me, I think I am good on that one.

Angie Kauffman
Angie, a domestically challenged nerd and mom of three very fun kids, is the founder of Real Life at Home.  Angie also listens to music every chance she gets, writes eBookspodcastsloves Pinterestdocuments the little moments in life on Instagram, and occasionally sleeps.


  1. Becca says

    Becca L. said…

    So true! I once gave DH a card that said “you give me that lovin’ feeling” and then you opened it up and it said “you also give me that I sometimes want to reach out and whap you upside the head feeling but since it’s your birthday, I’ll let it pass.” I still laugh whenever I see that one – but you’re right – I’d be miserable without him!
    January 23, 2007 3:50 PM

    (transferred from original post on blogger)